break.reboot.go

ever feel like life's out of control and just about to break you? no... me either... but i do occasionally have those days that i'm awfully confused by the pressure and demands of an ever changing/never-changing life. i guess that i'm just getting used to fluidity and sometimes the stability of a routine seems a little droll and pointless. times like these call for the following procedures... break.reboot.go and i think i'm there.

i had the pleasure late tonight, well earlier than now, of talking to a good friend from a couple years ago and certainly many lifetimes ago. he's one of those old soul kind of guys who is plagued by the mundane and constantly in flux. one of the deepest thinkers i've ever met, a theologian, philosophy buff, incredibly talented musically, and gifted in the love of people and culture. to say i respect him is understated and we've shared some of my favorite conversations ever as well as some of the most awkward. we don't really fit each other very well and i think that's why we work so well together. he's been on a life quest the last few years that has lead him literally around the world and back again and now onto a new adventure with some purpose in a huge city, i hope God blesses him there. but this conversation and re.connection has gotten me thinking. what's driving me?

the last nine days were spent with my family and friends in cape cod for vacation. BREAK. it was a time of not a ton of activity, church talk was mostly off limits which was awesome. sometimes my "job" of being a pastor consumes every bit of my spiritual walk and little is left for my wife and kids. in fact, it's a problem that i'd guess if most pastor's where honest they'd admit is more commonly the case than it should be. we rode out a hurricane with friends, spent some time on beaches and in the woods and pretty much re.connected with each other. let me tell ya we needed that. michelle and i also celebrated our 11th wedding anniversary this week and i can honestly say i love her more today that i ever have, even if it looks a little different that it has in the past. we took the time to hit "pause" on the life remote and find our center of gravity again. unfortunately, that sometimes seems lower than it's been in the past. either way it was a time away from life. i know we could have all used another nine days, and probably nine more after that. this break was so necessary, not only was it a "break" from work and schedules but also a "brake" emotionally and spiritually. our society and schedules tell us to cram as much in as possible which in some ways is a good thing but usually leaves us burnt out and regretting the life we lead. life shouldn't be that way... seriously, stop it!

step 2. RE.BOOT, i'm there tonight. for the first time in the past month and a half i think i'm really grabbing a chunk of my inner self that's needed to be accessed for a while. it's the dreamer side. that little nagging part of the back of your mind that says, "what if" and then is quickly written off with a logical thought or a well crafted conclusion. it's time for more "what if" moments in this life. times like "what if God really moved in my heart" or "what if we didn't care what other people thought of us" or maybe "what if i really believed ________." these moments drive what i call vision, not vision as in i see what's in front of me and can walk that direction or another, but rather, vision as in my eyes are shut and i've found confidence to walk without the path laid out. for me that vision comes with following God. so my question personally is this "what if i really followed God?" where would He have me/us go. as a family, as a church, as a follower of the truth. it's a scary thought b/c i guarantee that it means one nasty little word... change. this word scares the tar out of my wife, which is part of why God brought the two of us together. otherwise my kids and i would be living out of a car somewhere (no seriously). i am convinced that change is healthy as well as necessary. this particular change starts in my own heart, but i think has to play out in our family and church as well. man sometimes i hate vision.

i've been thinking about a lot lately but a big part of it has been focused on the call of Christ to his disciples. they are called to drop their nets and follow. even exhorted to cast off family and friends in the pursuit of the savior of their souls. if only they could have known what journey laid ahead for them. if only we could know what journey lies ahead for each of us... we'd probably never step foot out the door. but they did go, and by doing so it changed them. so you guessed it, we're at step 3. GO. what's your go? i know by now that if you're honest with yourself you're already thinking of a go step. maybe it's something God's leading you to or maybe something less profound like just changing one little habit that's killing you. tomorrow morning is GO time for me again. back to ministry, "real life" whatever that means, and the routine; but it can't just be routine again. it has to shift. away from me and more toward the savior of my soul. brokenness personally, growth for our family, and change/growth for our church. a season of challenge is upon us and to respond with the preciously scarce commodity of integrity is the only course of action that seems fit.

so, if you made it this far in my ramblings, it's GO time... look out world.