I've spent a lot of time in Churches, some conservative some more liberal, some subdued some pretty wild, I've worked for over 15 years in some association with the church or para-church world that is until last year... I found myself sitting in my last meeting as a failing church planter, to be honest pretty burned out by both church and trying to "serve" God in it. I wasn't sure what that meant exactly but I did know that I was ready to walk, not away from God but I was pretty tired of the Church (let me be very clear, it was not the church that I was involved in at the time that brought me to this point, in fact the opposite is more true, it was/is that church that kept me hanging on, but I'll get to that a little more in a bit).
I was finding myself wanting more. I wanted a more tangible God and I wanted a church that actually looked like it should from what I see when I read the Bible. What I really wanted was Jesus, the man who reached out to touch lepers, who stopped to notice the overlooked, who loved to be at a party and mourned deeply when the fractured world broke even more in front of Him. I wanted to be a part of something that looked like Him (at least I thought I did).
I was born in 1980, which in typing that makes me feel real old all of a sudden. Both my generation and the following one (Millennials, which is a title that many of these friends are very tired of but alas it's the best I've got) are finding ourselves looking for something "real". In this information age where literally anything and everything is available at the click of a mouse, flick of a fingertip on your smart phone, 2-hour same day shipping, immediate satisfaction guaranteed... we have become very angsty people. I heard somewhere recently that we are the most anxious and depressed generation of all time. Our everythingness has become ultimately diluting in nature and caused many to loose hold on what is real. The stuff made of time and heart and importance.
I love social media. Facebook, Instagram, Twitter... I love the artistry, I love that I can "stay connected" with so many people. But is it real. We paint the beautiful, the fun, the exotic moments of our lives on each others screens so that with every click, every "like", we find some affirmation from someone also looking for returned affirmation. For Pete's sake (whoever he is) I have over 800 friends on Facebook and while I love you all dearly... you get the picture. This game is a fickle friend, we hide in computers and struggle to live real lives that are anything even close to the pictures we paint.
So as I stepped down from church leadership I thought maybe it was time for a "break" for a while. Just some time away to breathe, you know re-calibrate. Sounds healthy right, it's responsible to "rest" from time to time. Yes it is, but walking away from church is, in my opinion, probably very far from what Christ would have us do. Usually when we want to take a break from church it's not for a healthy reason. Usually we're upset, often with the way the church does or doesn't do something, with a particular theological point, with how someone was treated.
I find it striking that we are creatures created much like God himself. We are creatures of community. WE need other people (even if we don't like it). There is a distinct reason that while Jesus walked and taught he didn't just have a little vice-christ running around beside him so that one day he could work himself out of a job and hand it over to the next guy. No he called 12 which turned into 72 which turned into thousands... He created and loved and served in the midst of brokenness. He knew that the church, His bride would need each other. He knew that IF we were to become like him we'd need each other.
The crucible of the church is where we are refined. As iron sharpens iron. We can get pretty dull pretty quickly on our own. Maybe a better way to describe the reality is that if we're only on our own then who's to say that whatever we do isn't God ordained? Who can judge me anyway right? I hear that all the time, both inside and outside the church. To some extent that's true, only God can and will ultimately judge but in the meantime it's Jesus design for us to stand in community so that when we start down some strange road there's others to guide us back, to walk along side.
This is honestly what sucks about the church, if we're really in it and trying to follow Jesus, then others should be there to call us out when we're not following him. That's why earlier I said I "wanted" to be a part of a church that looks like Jesus, but in reality it's scary and hard when one actually does, because Jesus doesn't play games when it comes to sin. He is just, he is good, he is loving, and kind but he doesn't pull any punches.
So why does the church need you? Here's the deal, if you are frustrated by the church, if you are tired of playing the games, if you are not sure what it should look like but you know it doesn't look much like it should, then you HAVE TO STAY. We need your voice. I need you in the church to call me out when i get complacent or comfortable in my sin. In the old testament the prophets where the ones who stood up and practically shouted that it was time for change, but they didn't run (well Jonah did, and probably smelled pretty awful for a while after that). I'm not a very charismatic guy but the Spirit of God has given gifts to all who believe and one of those is prophecy. Maybe not the future telling type but certainly the TRUTH telling type of prophets. I know some of you and the things that "bother" you about church, probably "bother" the heart of Jesus as well. WE need your voice. One thing I am pretty certain of is that we can't get the Bride of Christ any more beautiful than it is when it's got all it's people.
SO back to my angst, it's been about nine months since I left full time "ministry". It's been super good, er um truthfully, super hard but God has been gracious. I can honestly say that were it not for the church around me I'm not sure where I'd be with God right now. I love being part of a super diverse, super broken, joyful, lamenting, journeying church on the north side of Chicago. While I have stepped back from many of my responsibilities at church, I can say that I have found the ability to rest in the midst of this community and I am so thankful for that.
Humans have never been more at peace then when they were working and living in small communities together. So if anyone wants to buy a farm with me and stand in the mud together I'm pretty much down for that right now.
If this post has struck a chord with you I'd love to talk about this idea of community more.
By the way, many of these thoughts are bits and pieces from other people, podcasts, sermons... I stink at sighting sources but since there really are no original thoughts anyway I hope no one is offended if I used your words. If you are, guess what I'm just still a broken sinner in search of grace.
Thanks for reading.
pb
"We have all known the long loneliness, and we have found that the answer is community." Dorothy Day
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