heavy hearted

this morning i'm writing with a bit of a heavy heart. it's now 12:59 am and sleep escapes me. my heart is heavy with the weights and anxieties of this world. sickness in the family, financial issues, and other uncertainties have captured my mind this night. i find myself reflecting on god. my desire and the honest prayer of my heart is to turn these burdens over to his care but yet i hang on, hoping somehow to contribute to the solution. the scriptures sit open at my right hand as i write yet i can hardly turn my eye to them. i find it hard to understand my faith sometimes.
today i took a walk with god. with school starting and the weight of heart i just needed to walk and talk to god. as i walked down this street and that i passed churches and cathedrals. compelled to enter and just fall to my knees in prayer i simple walked on, round the corner and down the next block. i walked passed the homeless and the hurting, one man lying wrapped in a tattered sleeping bag with an old and worn suitcase by his head, another watching the rich and comfortable walk past as he held out his cup to whomever might be so compelled. i walked on.
through the parks and past the construction. stopping to glance here and there but avoiding the biting wind as best i could. i stopped here and there to take my mind from my thoughts but at best it was a distraction. i walked on, finally returning to my starting point but being muchly refreshed having walked some blocks in the hustle and bustle of the city, but walking ever on with a friend. i talked to god today, sharing my frustrations and my praises. so grateful for his blessings but longing for the pain and sorrows of this world to pass.

where does all this leave me this morning? i am left with only one thing, god is god i am not. he is in control we are not. may our strivings cease and our worship flow forth from thankful and contrite hearts as the god of all creation works mightily tonight. praise be to god that he has given us even our very breath at this moment, he is good.

good night