under blood red skies

typically on this blog i've taken a lot of time to talk about the random things i've seen, experienced or thought about but in this case i'd like to share the challenge on my heart and mind. i'm pretty sure all of two-ish people read this so that is what it is but none the less here's what i've been consumed by of late. i've been having a rough couple of weeks caught in a single job with two very incompatible aspects right now. i've been filling my role as the creative arts director at our church, which has been a blast, gifting calling and enjoyment all aligning. recently though god has brought another great opportunity for our community, the coffee shop i've talked about in earlier posts. it's a great place to be a part of the larger community and is actually quite fun to work at when all things are considered. so what's the rub? 

well let me go back before going forward. about a year ago now i was working for the church and feeling excited but very unsettled. we were raising support to be on staff, half paid and struggling to make ends meet. i was at a point where i was ready and willing to hold out for a couple more months and then i can safely say we were going to bounce. then in late fall i was given a full time position as the creative arts director. a mixed blessing as it came from the rest of the staff being called elsewhere or just stepping down. the last year has been great as the team has been rebuilt and people functioned in their gifts. 

when the coffee shop came along it sounded like a great opportunity. what i didn't understand at the time of my agreeing to help fill about 20hrs a week was how much that would affect my life, relationships with the other staff, and especially my relationship with god. i went from filling the chair of my desk, having time to meet with folks from the community and feeling like my place with god was pretty secure, to early mornings and nights, no time for staff meetings or any other, and a feeling that god was somehow unhappy with everything i was up to. it's really put me in a funk of late. caught between two good worlds, still serving god but feeling very disconnected from everything and everyone all adding up to my becoming a complete jerk to be around. 

so the other day i had had enough. i was ready to cash it in again. when god said to me (not in that freaky audible tone but rather in the still small voice of my soul) it's not about you it's about me. what!? i wanted to be annoyed and felt justified in my jerkiness. but quickly my mind was called to all the things i had ever learned about god and about this life. we've been called to a higher path, a harder road. god isn't displeased with me, even my sin and deceit falls at the foot of the cross under the blood of jesus. i'm beginning to feel the call of jesus to live as he did, as a bigger and harder tug on my soul. am i willing to live at the higher, often harder calling of god? 

what's the reward for a life of discipleship with jesus? it's kinda obvious, the student gets to know the master. what better thing can come of any life than the life that knows jesus. calling to the kingdom means submission and love for the king. my goal is to find god more thru the frustrations and pain. it's also to realize that this kingdom is so much bigger than the little roles i play for the titles/jobs i do in it. it's a kingdom because there is a king. his name is jesus, and he'll be back soon. jesus blood like the sky covers everything on earth and everything that happens in our lives. fight through the hard, the tiring, the frustrating because in the kingdom economy it's all better than the easy life. 

god, may my life be lived under blood red skies.... 1 corinthians 15:58

much love